LATE LINE

In this business there is a process that starts (almost) every rehearsal. A few minutes before rehearsals commence there has to be the obligatory calling of the late line to explain why you are running late / or will be late. Some companies don't have an official number to call (it is a little antiquated) so the stage manager starts her day receiving "I'm going to be late" calls.

There are the usual reasons:
no excuse, just running late
traffic
didn't know the call
overslept

More Specific:
car broke down /flat tire
vomiting (always good for sympathy)
ride left without me
other job / class got out late

Ones you should never use:
I am in jail
My hot water was too hot
My girlfriend threw out all my clothes
I can't find my car (too drunk last night)
I thought weekends were free

This one got the girl fired.
At the 5 hour late mark she called with: I've been in the hospital in a coma all day, but I'll be in as soon as I can.

This one was the best (so far):
I'm stuck in my car in a car wash. Seriously. I'm stuck. The doors closed with me and my car in here and the machines shut off. I can't get out. Can you call the gas station and have someone get me the hell out of here!!

Now, to keep my assistants from being late or at least to dissuade the lateness, they have to bring me and the other assistant coffee if they're late. Yes, it does make them even later, but if you're gonna be late, bring me coffee. Makes up for the late.

Late = l-a-t-t-e.

Bottom line, don't be late. If you are late, bring me coffee, or at least have a blog-able excuse.